As women, we are encouraged to be accommodating, to be flexible, to be supportive, to be available. We are the caregivers, the cheerleaders, the support system and the nice ones. We like to be caring, we like to be there for our sisters and our families and our coworkers and our loves. Sometimes it can feel as if part of our self-worth or sense of ourselves as women is wrapped up in how helpful we can be. Sometimes helping others can be the most rewarding feeling in the world.
Sometimes, we need to cut that shit out!
I will give you a for instance. Recently, I attended an event in which the first of many speakers on the bill rambled on WAAAAYYYY past her allotted time. Actually, I think she took twice her allotted time. It felt like three times.
Why didn’t the organizer of this event call a halt to this mess? She didn’t want to seem harsh or hurt the feelings of the presenter or most of all, I think, she didn’t want the confrontation. Unfortunately, in accommodating the quirks of one speaker, she managed to alienate the rest of the presenters.
This is often the situation in which we find ourselves–say nothing and allow people to walk over us or say something and be perceived as a bitch. Or we think we only have these two choices. This is because we often attach so much emotion to that one word–NO. What will people think of us if we say it? What if damage our relationship with the person we are denying? In reality, it’s often just time to woman up and assert our Goddess-given right to determine how people treat us and what we are willing to put up with.
Actually, more than a right, we have an obligation to say NO when we need to. We don’t do anyone a service by allowing them to get away with things they shouldn’t do. We then become the enabler to their behavior and hinder the growth that could come to them by learning to resolve their own issues in a healthier manner.
1. Make NO your default answer. Don’t take on more projects, or accommodate the wishes of family or friends until you are confident that saying yes to them isn’t saying NO to yourself. Once you decide to say NO, quit second guessing yourself and worrying what others think.
Nine times out of ten, people can accept a NO from you when its a practical decision made dispassionately. It’s only when issues of self-worth or worthiness creep in that we have a problem.
2. Practice saying NO. Stand in front of the mirror and practice saying NO. Say it in different voices. Say it loud and say it soft. Say it with conviction. The more comfortable you are with expressing the word, the easier you can say it without unnecessary emotion or attaching blame, shame or drama to simply turning down whatever opportunity presents itself.
3. Get a little help from the Crystal Queendom. Amazonite is a fabulous crystal ally to help you learn to speak your truth and your true feelings. Named for the legendary Amazons of Greek mythology. Amazonite is often referred to as the Stone of Courage and the Stone of Truth, as it is related to both the heart (courage) and the throat (truth) chakras. According to the New Crystal Bible by Cassandra Eason:
Amazonite empowers one to search the self and discover one’s own truths and integrity, and to move beyond fear of judgment or confrontation with others to live in alignment with those beliefs and values. It provides the freedom to express one’s thoughts and feelings, and to set strong and clear boundaries, both internally as self-discipline, and externally on what one is willing to experience or in defining personal space.
4. Recognize that you are going to slip up sometimes. You are going to forget you have the power to say NO to events, experiences, jobs and energies that don’t suit you. You’re going to let others have their way sometimes when you shouldn’t. But don’t beat yourself up,too much. Recognize when you have taken on too much or given away too much and learn to renegotiate. Let the other person know that you cannot meet the expectations you originally agreed to and make a compromise about how much you will be able to do or give. If this isn’t possible, take it as a learning experience and don’t make that mistake again.
5. Get grounded. As spiritual women, we sometimes can feel as if we should be endlessly forgiving and accepting of others and plant our heads in the clouds and allow ourselves to be muddled by practical details. Being spiritual and financially savvy are not mutually exclusive. In fact, being able to attract money and abundance into your life is a sign that your manifestation powers are working just fine. And contrary to popular belief, manifesting comes from anchoring energy into the body not channeling it upward toward the crown. For your example take Mother Earth, the ultimate manifestor–if you want anything to sprout up, you have to plant it in the ground first.
If you have been having difficulty or success (yay!) with the issue of saying NO, please post in the comments below. If you like what you’ve heard, please subscribe to the newsletter in the sidebar. If you would like to be on my mailing list to receive my weekly newsletter, please sign up in the form in the sidebar.
Until next week, wishing you all the best,